Some. Days.

You know...some days are just not easy. It's not even that they are hard! They're just not easy. You have things to do and responsibilities to fulfill and then hiccups come along and you do the best you can but even knowing you have done the best you can sometimes just leaves you feeling like you didn't get it quite right, like it just wasn't enough.

Now listen to me. I know all of us have had those days and I know the common response from others is, "Oh but you are enough!" That's not what I am talking about. I am talking about the internal dialogue (which I have recently learned that not everyone experiences and that blows my mind!) that goes over every detail of the events that transpired and you analyze how you could have done it differently, could you have done it better, should you have made a different choice, did you really look at the big picture before moving forward.

*Side note* I have friends who are 1's on the Enneagram reading this right now who are shouting, "AMEN" at the screen as they read. I am a 2 wing 1. This is an area we understand well but, don't we all go through this at some time?

I mean, the feeling that I could have done something better or that in my process I let someone down...quite possibly one of the worst feelings I can imagine having. Your Enneagram Coach has the best information to understand me. And if you know me, even posting this here, this entire blog today plus this info, is not easy.

But you know what?

Today is a new day.

I can't change what happened yesterday. I can't go back and make different decisions. Even still, the sun came up. It's behind clouds but I see evidence that it is there! I woke up with the opportunity to start over and make the day count. I can let go of what was and the idea of the expectations I think people have of me and I can look to God and His word because only His expectations matter. See while I am struggling to make sense of my thoughts and feelings about my choices, God is looking at the motivations behind the decisions I made and He is reminding me that He sees my heart and all I did was with the utmost integrity and purity. There was no selfishness or personal gain, only an effort to use the information given to make a wise decision.

Maybe you're feeling the weight of life today, too. Jesus made us a promise to help us carry that weight. Actually, He said to just give it all to Him.

Here's my prayer for us, the ones who have a hard time admitting our needs, who find our worth and value in serving those around us, those of us who love to take care of others even when that means we don't take care of ourselves.

Heavenly Father, You see the deepest desire in our hearts to serve You and others well. We take the scripture that says, "Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might;" (Ecclesiastes 9:10) to heart and put our all into it. We want to help people and make a difference in the world around us. But we realize that sometimes we do all of that to our own detriment and even with not so amazing motives (sometimes it's about how it makes us feel instead of the joy of serving). And God, You are so good to us and You never make us feel like we're not enough or that You are disappointed. Instead You wrap around us and remind us we are loved and seen and You come alongside of us to help us along the way instead of leaving us to repeat these things over and over again. Today, Lord, help us to rest in You. Help us to rest in knowing that You love us. Help us to focus our eyes and our hearts simply being Yours. Amen.