A Message to Young Leaders in the Church

Growing up in church I have always served in some way. From nursery to kids church to worship team to youth leader to clean up and set up, I think I have done something in every area of church ministry.

This was Christmas at church a few years ago with some of my multigenerational crew. The older woman, Thelma, passed away. We miss her greatly!

I have never had a hard time to connecting to people across the table whether that be age or race. But there is an area I see many young leaders failing to reach across to and if I can encourage them to change it, I think it will impact their lives and ministries in ways they never expected.

When I began full-time ministry, my dad who is the Senior Adult Pastor at our church, urged me to build relationships with our older congregation. Not that I needed a lot of prodding, but I became intentional. I would attend their midweek service often, greet them on Sundays, hug them, ask them questions, listen intently and genuinely love them. As the youth pastor then, I did the same for the students as my dad had encouraged me and showed the youth how to connect with the older members of the congregation. I would ask them to sit with them in service, at fellowship gatherings, and to attend all of the church events so that they could build relationships.

Many of those “Forever Young” as we refer to them in our church (maybe Seasoned Saints or Senior Saints in yours), have left tremendous marks on my life that I am eternally grateful for. Over the past few years, I have had to say, “See you later” to quite a few because their earthly journey ended. And this week I had to say it again.

Wanda was a sweet and dear lady to me. She was spunky and quirky and she liked to giggle and have a good time. She let us know when she wasn't happy about a few things and apologized when she realized she was wrong. Friends, that right there is special in and of itself! A lesson we could all learn for sure. Even after the loss of her husband when she had days she could hardly get out of bed the grief was so strong, she still had a smile for me when I saw her, through tears yes, but it was there. She was always encouraging me and made feel like I could do anything well. I knew that her funeral wouldn't be easy, but good grief I was not prepared for the waves of emotions that almost knocked me off of my feet.

Standing in the foyer of the funeral home with my co-pastor and two friends who were serving as pallbearers before the funeral, I had no idea what was about to happen. Wanda's daughter came in and greeted them and then asked me who I was (we hadn’t really met before the viewing the night prior). I answered, “I am Stacey, one of the-“ and she cut me off. “Wampler!?!?” she asked. I haven't been Stacey Wampler in 18 years but, I said yes. She began to tell me how she felt she already knew me because her mom talked about me all the time and how happy she was that we were back at the church and how much she enjoyed my preaching. She said, “I don't think she could have bragged on you more if you were her own." And then she walked away, into the parlor to be with family. I was taken aback, choked up. Surprise, surprise.

Throughout the funeral as stories were shared and songs were played, I found I was having a harder and harder time not just losing it and sobbing uncontrollably. And while I knew I would be sad and comforted by the hope we have in Jesus that this would not be the end, I wasn't expecting the grief to feel so . . . so heavy. I walked out of the funeral home after the service barely maintaining my composure and got into my car and just let it out. I don't think I stopped for a half hour. She was 93, not a blood relative, lived a long and good life, was surrounded by loved ones...WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!? I decided to go visit my best friend and talk to her about my ridiculousness and as I did it occurred to me that while no, she was not my grandma, the way she encouraged and loved me was as if she was. Also, her passing came only a year and a couple weeks after my grandpa's which had been on my mind in recent weeks.

What's the point? I knew the impact she had on my life but was totally unprepared for the impact I learned I had on her.

Generationally speaking, we need each other. The older can share experiences and lessons learned. The younger can show the new, creative and innovative ways to approach the world. The cross-generational relationships we should have, outside of and within the church are invaluable. We provide great perspectives for one another to see and consider. We are truly better together.

Like Paul wrote I chapter 2 of his letter to Titus,

“Teach the older men to exercise self-control, to be worthy of respect, and to live wisely. They must have sound faith and be filled with love and patience. Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good. These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God. In the same way, encourage the young men to live wisely.”

The verses that follow are my ministry verses, those I go back to when ministry gets hard and am reminded of what God spoke to my 17 year old heart,

"And you yourself must be an example to them by doing good works of every kind. Let everything you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching. Teach the truth so that your teaching can’t be criticized. Then those who oppose us will be ashamed and have nothing bad to say about us.”

So build the bridge, connect with someone across the table and watch how God uses those relationships. One day, the impact made will come to light and you’ll see the beauty of the effort and time invested on both sides.