3 things on my mind this week

I have sat to write many times this week. I even went through the mental debate as to whether or not I should just go live on FB or Insta and say what is On my heart because it might be easier than writing this time. I’ve wanted to scream from high places and I’ve wanted to crawl under the blankets and cry.

I don’t want to take long nor do I want to come off trite. I don’t want to spend more time on something than I should but I don’t want to ignore it either. That being said, and I know you didn't even ask for it, here are three things that have been on my mind this week.

1. How can I help?

How much did you love the first season of New Amsterdam last year? Learning what have about the Enneagram, I imagine Dr. Max Goodwin is a solid 2.

His catchphrase being, “How can I help?” even to his own detriment. Ya’ll I didn’t say he was always operating from health in his two-ness. But I identify!!

After hearing the news of yet another pastor whose struggle with depression/mental illness lost his life to suicide, I am just plain angry and I ask, "How can I help?"

I am angry that a husband, dad, man of God was so attacked by the enemy that there was no clarity of his mind where he could see the safety door of the burning building in his mind and instead jumped from the roof. And you know what makes me angrier? The responses of people in The Church.

Here’s all I am going to say about it now, and this is a message to The Church.

It is time to listen. It is time to watch. It is time to get dirty in the mess of mental illness and take action from a loving and compassionate standpoint instead of being judgmental or critical based on misconceptions and misperceptions of what it is to be a Believer who battles this. Check on people! Stop telling them to have more faith! For the love of our Father stop telling them that meds are somehow a sign of weakness or lack of trust in God! Surround these families with grace and hope and mercy. Pray for discernment to be able to recognize what most often goes unnoticed.

2. I’m really not a feminist.

No, really! What I am is sure of my calling and giftings and that there are many women who feel just like me and we deserve the same opportunities to walk in that confidence without question. I believe that women and men are different and that God created each us uniquely in His own image. So does that mean I am a feminist?

Do you remember the 1980's-90's show, Designing Women? I do! And Hulu brought it back and it is still hilarious today, even relevant in the content! Holy moly not much has changed since then. In season 2, Charlene begins to wrestle, not with faith in God, but faith in her church and denomination because they will not allow women to be ordained. The devoted an entire episode (Ep 20) to it that made my heart swell and tears flow.

WHY IS THIS STILL A THING TODAY? Rather than go on about it from behind a keyboard, I want to share a podcast that I listened to this morning that I believe will be helpful. I actually bought the book they discuss last month but am reading several others that I need to finish before jumping into it. Author Kadi Cole and George P Wood, podcast host, discuss the best practices for developing women leaders and it's a good listen! GREAT things to consider. Whether you are Assemblies of God or some other denomination, a man or a woman, I think we can all benefit from this and even ask ourselves if our theology matches our practice.

3. What is so bad about accountability?

No, really? I don't get it? I have never had a problem submitting to authority or allowing those who I know care for me and about me to hold me accountable, to call me out on the things that need to be brought to light. I want to know if I could have done something differently, better. I want to grow and mature. I want to be sharpened. I want to be more like Jesus and I know there are many others out there who have lived longer, served better, led more effectively, had amazing marriages, survived the trenches of parenthood, and I want to know what they know even if that means I have to allow them to tell me what I don't!

Why is there so much resistance to this? Is it a pride issue? Are so many people truly that self-righteous that they think they don't need a relationship like this? And if that's the case, why have pastors/teachers/mentors? Seriously!?!? Help a girl understand! Help a pastor know!

Let's Do This!

We're all in this together. I hope you realize that. NO ONE IS ALONE. However, if your situation has left you feeling alone, abandoned, desperate and you need reassurance, please speak up. I'm here. Many others will be willing to walk with you.